Having to hide your Cannabis use sucks.
However, the alternative of abstaining from this wonderful plant isn’t an attractive or realistic prospect for most of us. In fact I’d honestly prefer to drink a pint of spiders than stop smoking. This doesn’t mean I’m addicted. It’s just a culture that I’m passionate about and the last 5 years have brought much happiness and prosperity alongside my cannabis use.
So… There are many reasons why you might need to hide your cannabis use. You might be living with conservative parents, working with colleagues, encountering the police or simply wishing to keep your cannabis use private. Whatever the reason there are some extremely efficient ways to cover up those giveaway signs.
Here are some tried and tested solutions that I’ve learned over the years:
Cannabis smoke or vapour can stick to your clothes. If you don’t have access to a quick shower then wet wipes (ideally scented) are very useful for cleaning your face. I always keep a pack in my bag and these usually cost no more than 1-2 dollars. Changing your clothes helps (although not always practical) and finally, spray on some deodorant or perfume. Do NOT overdo the spray though… This can raise suspicion too.
- Stash smell: Once I took every precaution and made sure I didn’t smell at all however, my pungent buds weren’t stored correctly in my bag and the smell stank out a whole lecture theatre at University. I’d recommend some smell proof bags or an air-tight glass jar of some kind. Alternatively, those fizzy vitamin drink tubes (like Berocca) are great for storing joints and small buds.
- Wind carried smells: This can be one of the biggest threats to a stealth stoner. I once smoked half a joint in my Mother’s garden and she claimed she could smell it 2 blocks away. It’s a dead easy smell to recognise as I’m sure you know. Stoners have noses like greyhounds until they smoke 😀
- Breath smell: This is another obvious one but it can be quite difficult to completely mask the smell of a beautiful smoke sesh. Chewing gum often isn’t enough so I’d recommend brushing your teeth, eating some smelly food (or chocolate) and then chewing gum or a sweet. The smell should go and if you are still worried, ask someone you trust if they can smell anything.
“With they eyes as red as the devils dick!!!“
Red eyes are another dead giveaway. You might be able to avoid suspicion if you have a history of hay fever but trust me.. this excuse doesn’t work when there’s two feet of snow outside. Strong eye-drops work well for me and you can find these in most convenience stores and supermarkets. If you don’t have access to eye-drops then give your eyes a bit of time to clear up. Make an excuse to take a shower, nap or “emergency shit” to avoid suspicion and buy yourself some time. The last suggestion can be embarrassing but hey.. I’m a survivor.
Don’t get too stoned if you have important shit to do!
I’d suggest using a Sativa or Hybrid strain in the daytime as a heavy indica can transform the most active person into a zombie sloth. Everyone has a different tolerance so knowing your limit is key here. It’s just common sense.
Don’t take the piss.
I often read stories of police busts where some complete nincompoop get’s caught with 10 pounds of cannabis in their car. Just avoid this kind of shit. It’s not worth it no matter how lucrative the venture can be. If cannabis is to be respected by society then we need to be respectful in return. Don’t smoke near playgrounds or anywhere you might make a non-smoker uncomfortable.
So there you go. Having to apply such rigour into your cover-up can be annoying but most of us live in societies that actively persecute and imprison hard working citizens for nothing more than smoking a joint. The risk is real folks!
I hope you found this guide useful and if you have any tips and tricks of your own, I’d love to read about them in the comments 🙂
P.S – I share a lot of cannabis tips and stories here on my Instagram page. Come check it out 🙂